Telling our stories: The inner vs the outer journey
I help my clients explore both their outer journeys (how they navigate and present themselves in the world) and their inner journeys, which focus on internal feelings and values. In today’s world, it’s easy to prioritise external success over self-reflection and enquiry, leading to feelings of disconnection and a lack of meaning in our lives.
I share below some of the most pivotal experiences of my story as a demonstration of how powerful it can be to reflect deeply on our life experiences. It’s amazing what you learn about yourself when you take the time to tell your story well.
Early life and eduction
Born in May 1982, the youngest of 3 children with a 5 year age gap to my sister and 7 to my brother. My dad was in the army and my mum looked after the family. The older I get the more grateful I feel for being born into a loving, supportive and financially secure family, within a peaceful and democratic country.
My earliest memories are of playing sport - apparently from the age of three I was rarely without some kind of bat or racquet in my hand. I was also drawn to the natural world, mesmerised by lakes, streams and rock pools and the life within them.
Boarding school: growing up fast
Like most kids of military families at that time (who were offered subsidies), I was sent to an all-boys boarding school at the age of 8. This has given me a strong sense of independence and an ability to build deep relationships with some of the people I went to school with. I was able to indulge my love of sport and had some amazing opportunities to explore the UK and beyond.
Doing more self-enquiry later on in life and seeing some of the common traits of boarding school attendees has revealed that separation from family at a young age can also create challenges when it comes to emotional development and self-perception. At times I have struggled with self-confidence and have also found it hard to connect with my emotions. The flip-side of the self-reliance can make it hard to rely on other people and know when and how to ask for help.
Neurodivergence
When I was 14, my English teacher noticed that I processed visual and auditory information more slowly than my classmates. He encouraged me to get tested, and I was found to be dyslexic. For the first time, I understood why I had struggled to keep up in my academically rigorous school. Knowing that my brain worked differently lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. It helped me make sense of years of anxiety around tests and exams.
Over time, I’ve learned to see my neurodivergence not just as a challenge, but as a unique strength. Understanding my differences has allowed me to reframe those difficult school experiences and recognise the resilience I built along the way. I have also learned to embrace my sensitive nature, leaning on the work of Elaine Arron and her exploration of the Highly Sensitive Person. Today, I am more comfortable in being who I am and see my neurodivergence as a superpower—one that fuels my creativity, empathy, and ability to find unconventional solutions.
“How have your life experiences and the cultures in which you have grown up in influenced the way you show up at work?”
Purple Works: Finding Purpose
After starting my career in jobs that felt uninspiring, I landed a position with Purple Works, a small Strategy & Communications consultancy. One of their main clients was the LTA (British Tennis), and Mark, the owner of the company, was advising the CEO on crafting and communicating a new vision for the sport – The Blueprint for British Tennis.
As someone who had loved tennis since childhood, I was thrilled. I still remember walking into the shiny new National Tennis Centre in Roehampton for the first time and the excitement I felt.
Purpose vs Validation
This was a role that fed my need for validation. Sitting at the table with the executive team as they made big decisions about the future of the sport gave me a sense of pride and identity. I had a job that felt meaningful—something I was excited to talk about.
But as much as I valued the work, I now realize how much of my energy was driven by external approval. That need for validation often shaped my decisions and contributed to a lack of balance in how I approached challenges. It’s a lesson I reflect on often when coaching leaders who feel torn between external expectations and their internal sense of purpose.
Stretching beyond my depth
Success at the LTA opened doors, leading us to work with the RFU (England Rugby) during a transformational time in their history. I was now 28 and entrusted with running projects alongside the CEO and executive team of the organisation.
On the surface, it was a proud milestone. But inside, I felt unprepared and full of fear — a classic case of imposter syndrome. While I felt I needed the respect and validation that would come with succeeding, I also wrestled with intense self-doubt. The intense and very visible nature of the work really challenged (as I was coming to learn) my more introverted nature. At the time, I didn’t feel I had the agency to step back and ask for support or adjust the scope of my responsibilities.
The body knows best
Taking this approach to my work and overriding the signals my body was giving me that I was exhausted (drinking more caffeine during the week and using alcohol to slow my mind down at the weekend) eventually led to a period of burnout that forced me to take a step back for 3 months. At the time this was the hardest thing I had ever been through. Looking back now it created the space I needed to reflect on how I was approaching my career and what was driving me to neglect my health.
This is such a common scenario with leaders who haven’t taken the time to step back and think about the mindsets, thoughts and beliefs that are driving their behaviour. It is the area where coaching can have such a powerful impact, helping the client to reveal the hidden programming that is creating their experience of life and work. I wish I had had this kind of support at this time in my life and it is a big motivation behind why I became a coach.
“Life will present us with people and circumstances to reveal where we are not free”
Two Circles: Frying pan to fire
When I had recovered my energy enough to reenter the workforce I was recruited into a sports marketing agency called Two Circles. The two founders were on a mission to change the game for sports marketing in the UK though a data driven approach. Little did I know at the time but this was going to take off fast and double in size every few months. Before long I was managing multiple client teams across international events, governing bodies and Premiership football teams.
Experience into wisdom
The more successful the business was becoming the more pressure there was to work longer and later hours. I can remember taking a call from one of the co-founders one evening after dinner to work on a presentation for the next day. I could feel myself slipping back into the same patterns of behaviour that had depleted me in the past and I decided to put some boundaries in place. I instinctively knew that this would impact my chances of promotion or getting on the next big account but I could now see the bigger picture and was thinking long term. I’m no use to anyone when i’m burnt out.
Looking for clues
After a couple of years in the role I started to get the feeling that the work I was doing wasn’t really connecting with my innate strengths. In my weekly catch ups with one of the co-founders I felt far more alive when we were discussing the psychology of performance at work and the issues around building organisational culture. It took me a while to tune into my inner voice that was telling me that I was never going to fly within this environment, subtly guiding me to find the place where my interests intersected with my talents. As so often happens, the voice of safety won over and I stayed where I was for another year.
Fate intervenes
As it happened in the end it was something that happened in my personal life that gave me the opportunity to explore life in another country and I grabbed it. From the outside i’m sure a lot of people thought I was mad, leaving an award-winning agency for the unknown quantity of a life abroad. Something deep inside craved a new adventure and knew that I had more to offer.
“What we hunger for perhaps more than anything else is to be known in our full humanness”
Going freelance: discovering coaching
This was the start of my journey into working for myself, giving me the freedom to follow my instincts around what I was interested in. A chance to start finding my own voice and explore the things I believed to be true about work, organisations and leadership. I started to immerse myself in books, podcasts and youtube videos, hungry to learn more and more.
Jerry Colonna: The coach with the spider tattoo
I’m sure many small influences nudged me toward coaching, but one stands out vividly. I remember listening to Jerry Colonna on Tim Ferriss’s podcast, sharing his journey from chasing external success in the investing world to confronting the emptiness it left behind. With raw vulnerability, he opened up about his struggles with depression and disconnection from his true self.
Hearing someone society held up as a model of modern capitalism discuss the pitfalls of that path hit me deeply. I was captivated by how he transitioned into coaching, finding not just fulfilment but also the ability to profoundly impact others while healing himself. His story planted a seed in me—the realisation that coaching could be a way to align purpose, connection, and impact in my own life.
Lifestyle design: Slowing down to speed up
Discovering that coaching was a viable career path felt very energising. The potential to do work that connected deeply with my natural talents and a keen interest in how people effectively go about changing things in their lives.
Taking this path has at regular times felt scary and uncertain but it has also brought a sense of aliveness and purpose that I haven’t felt before. It is now a great privilege to work with people who are on the brink of or early on in their journey of transition into leaders.
Strong leaders have the potential to have a significant impact on the people they work with and the cultures in which they operate. I believe we need these people now more than ever during my life time as we navigate uncertain times on many different fron
“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new lands but seeing with new eyes”